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Let’s face it, we all could probably use a little more confidence. Our guest today, Ruby Le, helps people build confidence for a living. She is the founder of Good Gentlemen. Ruby is an experienced dating coach, matchmaker, and more. She’s done some pretty awesome stuff and you can even see her on the TedX stage:
Life As A Dating Coach
It’s a challenging job that tests my own skills and betters me as a person, and I love it – it’s my passion. You’re required to be able to manage a number of unique individuals and their own personal journey. And also, have the ability to handle emotions as they arise: when my clients feel disappointed due to rejection, frustrated if things aren’t working at the speed they’d hope or just sadness. To be able to support them where they are, validate, yet also give them encouraging steps forward I believe is a skill not many people. But, minus the client aspect of it all, working as my dating coach gives me the flexibility and freedom I’ve always dreamed of. Doing what I’m most passionate about, helping those I’m excited to help and have the freedom…is a true dream come true.
Skills aside, I LOVE being a dating coach. You know what’s rewarding? Not when they get into relationships, it’s when I see them regain hope that they can find love and build their confidence knowing they ARE an amazing single with so much to offer. I help them reach their highest potential self so they can confidently attract someone. I build a relationship with these clients that are filled with tough love. I laugh with them through all the crazy dating stories, but am the first to call them out on their bull****. And I’m usually the first kind of person like that in my clients’ lives. I get to watch them grow in ways they thought was impossible for them. I watch them get excited at the first message response, date, kiss, and more. I’m helping them believe, see what they thought was impossible…now is possible J
Common Misconceptions Of Getting A Dating Coach
1. Just like in the movie “Hitch” when everyone found out what he did, they thought he’d just feed lines to his clients so his clients aren’t being their authentic selves. People think dating coaches force you to become someone you’re not to get the girl, you must spit out these pick up lines, and act a certain way. This is not the truth. I value and take pride in helping my clients without changing who they are. I give them the directions to take to get to their results, provide the information, but they ultimately take that and make it their own. Think of like this…job interviews. We were trained on how to be on job interviews, given a couple of best practices, even the best answers. Now, do we robotically say exactly what was taught at the interview? No. We take in the best practices, but make it our own with our personality and obviously, telling the true skills/weaknesses we have.
2. “Dating coaches don’t know what they’re doing. They just can talk and flirt to the opposite sex” – Okay, yes, I will admit there may be some coaches and pick up artists out there who decided to pick a business because they’ve slept with X amount of women or she’s always had this type of boyfriend. But that’s not everyone. There are incredibly talented, educated, and experienced professionally AND personally coaches too. That’s why I’m here! I’ve known my passion for helping people in dating/relationships since I was young so I went to earn my masters in Marriage/Family Therapy, then I went on to work with couples. After noticing a lot of these couples shouldn’t have been together in the first place, I then worked with singles. I worked with matchmaking firms, did a Tedx Talk, then came on as eHarmony’s lead matchmaker/coach/trainer. After working there for years, I felt it was time to branch off on my own as I wanted to work with those I felt passionate about (and quite honestly, not have someone controlling me)
3. Lastly, It’s a stigma to get help from a dating coach because people think it’s embarrassing as we all “should have” learned how to be social, flirt, date, etc. while we grew up. So when someone go to a dating coach, “something is truly wrong with them” which is not the case. We have already made a breakthrough in our society that getting help is something to celebrate, not tear down. When you want a specific kind of result, but you don’t know how to get there, what do you do? You call a coach. Someone who is trained and has the knowledge and experience to get you there. Dating coach is just like any other coach you’d hire for any other area.
Most Commonly Given Advice
Mindset! Everything involves a mindset. How you think of yourself, dating, other women, is a huge determinant of your success. I see a lot of women who’s already been broken because the World and other women haven’t been great to them. But, to continue to let those negative impacts affect your present will only bring you further down. So I get them to practice reframing from the beginning and all throughout our program. It’s that simple change from “I can’t do this” to “I’m going to do my best” or seeing what can go right instead of seeing what can go wrong that changes the game for them drastically. Too many times, my clients are also worried about what others think “what if she thinks I’m being a creep? Am I interrupting her day? She might think I’m a desperate weirdo?” and reframing is the start of helping this because they’re creating this narrative in their head about one situation. But, every situation can be looked at from different angles. So it’s the ability to give the same situation a new narrative, a different angle.
Boosting Confidence And Building Your “Magnet”
Dating or entrepreneurship, people are buying into YOU. People are attracted to YOU. There are many others out there, so what makes you so different? Your magnet is what makes you uniquely yourself. Even the parts of you that you may think is embarrassing too, Those are the parts that are unique! But the most important part of this is having 100% confidence in who you are. Confidence is having strong character when you stop seeking approval from others and completely accept yourself. Confidence is having knowledge of what makes you great and truly believing that those are your great qualities.
My clients, though it’s a professional relationship, still get my authentic self. My straight forward, no sugar coating coaching, but with my silly and goofy side. I am still very much me, there is no “Mask” – My magnet is being able to bring out what makes me unique myself and it stands out. I am the same with my friends, family, and partner (without me always giving them advice, of course, haha) and they are attracted to me because I’m my most authentic self at all times. All I ask is for my clients to do the same J I promote them to shine, their most complete authentic self.
Learn More About Ruby
Though I love one-on-one clients, I recognize I’m only one person and can only handle so much. So, I’ve released video products that will continue to be filled with popular big dating questions answered. You can check it out at www.goodgentleman.com/products — I also want to offer a free ebook I’ve created on the 5 steps to quality dates. After years of work, I’ve compiled the exact formula I take every client through in this one ebook www.goodgentleman.com/ebook
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